Most recent news: I got back my promo results. I believe everyone knows about it already though. HAHA. That day was really an important day. Many many J2 seniors msged me to ask me about my results too. It was...weird. Like at first when a few asked me I was happy to tell them because I feel like I'm CARED. HEHE. But soon when more come asking me I start to feel weird. HAHA. Like WA so many cared! (or issit just curious...) hah!
So holiday today. We went out to celebrate Amelia and Shimin's belated birthday. SO SORRY! :( I feel like it's damn fail. In the end it really feel like an ordinary day :( Which I dread the most. But still, *shout out to Amelia and Shimin* , you know we love you right!!! Even though I think we didn't manage to show our love, I'm telling you that that's how we feel!! INSERT HEARTSHAPE.
And I'm really really really a coward. *sincere* I'm afraid to meet people (except for some of course) and I'm missing all the social gatherings and such. As of now, I just don't like to attend such events. Me a shyyy girl!
SO, EVEN THOUGH TODAY HAS BUFFET OR SHOPPING INVITATIONS, I REJECTED ALL. :(
But don't worry people, I'm working on my shyness already. Haha! Soon, very very soon, I will go out and PARTY!
I'm going out with my mum to watch movie now though. Heheh. I'm PERFECTLY fine with my mum :D
OK got to go and get ready now! BYEBYE.
PS Still have school until 23rd November! Jiaxin's school already holiday! :(
PSS To Shimin: We should talk more and hang out together more often!! :D
It's been long since I got decent grades. I'm really grateful. I believe it is the blessing of God. I feel happy. And it is the kind that comes from within my heart. Peacefulness I guess.
I'm lucky that I woke up in time too.
However, I do have classmates who are not as lucky. My heart goes out to them. I really hope that they will not give up. Continue fighting! Continue having faith!
Just now, my civics tutor was really inspiring. After the release of results, a bunch of us went to look for him to talk. And he told us to work really hard starting from next year for the As. So I told him that I will work hard and that I will start working hard from NOW on.
My civics tutor actually turned to me and looked me in the eyes.
Then, he tells me that he believe in me. I was both surprised and touched.
I will work hard and do well! Thank you God. Thank you everyone who gave me well wishes!
When I grow up, I want to be someone who is useful to the society. I want to graduate and find a stable job fast so that I can support my family. Able to provide for them, able to raise their standard of living.
Maybe I'll end up in some office working 9 to 5. OK hopefully not. What I want is to do something that I love and that it can also provide me with a stable income.
After I achieved what I want, I want to travel around the world.
HI PEOPLE! I have two good news! :D
First, my promotional exams are over!!
Second, my braces are off already!!!
Be happy for me alright!! :D
Today met up with this woman named ChongShiEn for lunch at pastamania! :D
This woman don't like me to take her photos but she likes to spam other people's photo! ><
Last Sunday finally met up with my 10years long bestfriend Jiaxin. We dined at Ajisen at amk hub before sitting down somewhere else for more catching up! Haven't seen her for at least 4 months already.
I remember before we went our separate ways, we are always together. The memories we have together goes all the way back to when we are 7. I'm really glad to have her as my best friend. Because good friends are hard to come by.
Even though we are now studying in different schools, I believe our friendship will last forever and ever. And when we have time, we can ask each other out to catch up again and keep our friendship going! :D
Quoted from jiaxin: Live our lives as a teenager to the fullest now. 不要让青春留白。
Hellooo. How's your weekend?
No more weekend for me luh. Now's all muggin days. 24/7 mug. I want to do well for promos. Anyway I'm really really glad that gp and chinese are over first. Now I have 24days to concentrate solely on the other 4 subjects. But, I'm....feeling this immense sadness. Because I won't be going judo for months. I feel ... sad :( . Sighs. It's ok. Nevermind. I have to priorities anyway. It's good to take a break too.
Byebye! (:
"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical
narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the
victim from reality"
Think I've been wallowing in self-pity for too long. Feels so tiring. The more I think about the situation, the worst it gets. Don't know since when I've been like this. Have this feeling of losing my ground on the earth.
Maybe I really think too much and engage in too much self-talk.
I'm already close to the age of adulthood, but still feel like an immature kid. Very dependent on people. How to survive in the real world?
But then, quoted from Amelia's blog:
"I'm
tired for now so I'm thankful for holidays. I can wallow in my
self-misery until I gain courage to put those feelings aside or at least
try to control them. I'm tired of fighting against them."
Totally agree. No more going to school. No more meeting of people. Finally, I can have time for myself for the week.
Please please, I want to focus on my studies already!! Have to focus on my studies already.
Anyway, today, I went for judo training. And you know what? I think my braces broke! :( First time in training, and also just before the due date to take them out! It's during randori and it got stuck to Vincent's gi. I think I'm so good at managing the crisis that nobody knew I broke it. Even Vincent didn't realise. I just panicked awhile and then try my best to get them out.
But still, I guess I'm too skilled for this kind of situations already. In case you don't know, a lot of emergencies happened to me before. But almost every single time, I solved it myself. Even if my friends are with me. My first reaction is to think about what I can do calmly, and then just try it. For instance, one day I was out with all my close friends and we were all happily sitting down. But then all of a sudden, one of my slippers broke. And it broke so thoroughly that I know I can't wear or walk with it anymore. And we still have plans later on. So I just stare at them and think of what I can do. It's really weird. I didn't thought of asking my friends who are sitting OPPOSITE me and BESIDE me for help. Even when I don't know what to do already. I didn't want to ask them for help. I didn't want to tell them too. I think this is just me. I don't want to trouble people and also I don't know how to ask for help. I think it's something good and also bad at the same time. All these experiences train me to be tougher. I guess that's one of my good point, always calm during crisis. But it's also something bad. Because it makes me tired. Sometimes I just wanna rely on someone, on the people around me. Whenever I try to solve things on my own and not ask for help, I will feel like I'm alone too.
Ok I'm stopping here. I want to sleep already! And I'm going to enjoy my holidays!! Feel happy for me yo!~ :D:D:D
BYEBYE.
PS Don't worry I'm not always an emo girl! :)
Monday, September 3, 2012
It's been a long while.
And now's already September.
Because I just read Amelia's blog. Suddenly have the feel to blog.
But I doubt anybody's still coming here. Hahaha.
AMELIA CHOO WHY SO EMO.
Make me sad also:(
Anyway now's also in the middle of the night and I can't sleep so TADA I'M HERE.
I think I've changed too. Ever since I went into JC, I changed. It's been a really long while.
Sometimes just the thought of going to school tires me out. I don't feel like I belong there. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. The people there...I just feel sad. Maybe in secondary school I'm already emo enough. But trust me. I'm worst in JC. There's nobody I can talk to. Except for Shien, June and Sasha. I can't bring myself to be myself. I can't approach the rest. So hard. I guess when you lost the feeling of connectness for too long, you get used to it. Once in school, I feel like I just put on a mask and became another person. So when you see me in school ignoring almost everybody, it's because I'm trying to be myself. I'm trying to stop myself from being someone else. So actually that's a good thing? Haha. But I've been thinking, isn't it like this since secondary school? Isn't things like this since I start to learn how to think? I was always in my own little world. I almost always didn't let anybody in. Never be myself, never speak what I want to speak.
Now that I'm older, I start to realise, hey actually I haven't really learn how to interact with people.
But because of Shien, I never lose hope. I can't express how glad I am to have her in my life. But I don't think she'll know. Haha. I learn to express myself properly. I learn to trust. I learn that actually if I want, I can just be myself. I learn that I'm not that bad actually. Really, she keep me going.
To some extent, she understands me. And that's enough. How many people out there truly understands me HELLO? But it's okay. Because it's my fault too. I am to be blame.
I'm afraid of my own thoughts. Many times I need music just so that I won't be alone, with my own thoughts. Even now, I don't dare to truly hear myself out.
Really, I think if you want to be emo, there's no limit. But if you want to be positive, there's a limit to it.
But then, everybody has moments when they feel sad, when they has low self-esteem, when they don't know who they are themselves.
Misery breeds misery.
In the end, I believe we just have to do what we are supposed to do. Don't let our emotions get to us.
It's that simple. Just do what you have to do.
I'm ending this post! Haha. Sorry for the abrupt end!
TAKE CARE. AND LOVE YOURSELF. :)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Cause even the stars, they burn. Some even fall to the earth~
Recently, I joined the Canberra cheerleading team in school! I am surprised I can get this far. At start, I was doubtful if I can do well. Because in cheerleading you have to be high and sociable and all. You have to dance as well. Hahaha. I sucks at dancing! However, after all the trainings, I am really happy I made it this far. We included stunts and all like climbing on other people etc. Cheerleading's really cool! I am so glad I decide to be part of the team. It is one of the right decisions I had made! <3
Also, the Canberra spirit is really awesome.
We are having intensive training now for the Kings Of Street next Wed! Hope we can get champion!:D
There are people who I haven't been speaking to for quite some time and I find myself missing them.
There are people who I really like too. And I find myself so lucky to have met them in my life.
Hehe being thankful to the awesomeness of life now.
Some of the people I know are having a hard time in life now. I really hope they will stay strong and find the strength from within.
Sometimes I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. I mean, I am blessed with life but I'm always wasting it away. I am not stretching myself to the fullest potential.
There are people who are really working hard with their life, trying to earn a living or just struggling to survive. But I'm not giving my best. Yilian, jiayou!!
Anyway, here's my mid year results.
Two sub-pass, two Ds, one E, one B.
If I have a choice, I will want to have this power to cheer someone up almost instantly.
To make the people around me happy.
One of the best thing in the world, is you love me and I love you.
When there is true love. You found someone you can't live without and he/she found you who he/she can't live without.
I'm just going to do a simple post today.
My exam is over but I'm having my "A" level chinese oral tomorrow. Once I was thinking, there's no time when I can be free of worry luh. After block test I was hoping for a rest/break and to stop worrrying about things, but no. Very hard. I guess I have to get used to it. 认清事实. It's all in the mind anyway. Choose to enjoy everything and just relax. :)
This Friday had a heart-to-heart talk with Sasha and got to know a lot more about her.
Also had kind of an emotional talk with Shien before heading home. Shed some tears.
Let's all be strong okay? :) I don't mind getting any obstacles in life anymore. Eventually they are the things that teaches us a lesson and make us stronger than before isn't it? So let's embrace them with open arms!
I feel like life is a constant battle. Sometimes it's really torturous.
Have to reconnect with all my beloved friends soon. And I'm thinking of getting myself a mp3 player! Haha!
Oh ya! I've been bringing lunchboxes to school! Really cool and awesome I tell you. My mum cooked every morning for me to have it in school. And I'm eating more now. And more healthily too! Hehe.
I'm going to sum up my June holiday. Hah! To me it has already ended even though I still have one last week. I'm going to dedicate this last week to mugging so yup, that's the end of my holiday.
Pretty eventful holiday. <3
1st JUNE, JUNE'S birthday! :D
4th JUNE, my birthday! HAHAHA had the best one ever! <3
8th JUNE, TINGWEI'S birthday! :D
15th JUNE, SHERYL'S birthday part 1! :D
16th JUNE, SHERYL'S birthday part 2! :D
AWESOME AWESOME! All the birthday girls uhhh! June's babies! :D
We are all 17 already yo yo yo! ~~~
Now only left with birthday of my bestestfriend! 24th JUNE! <3
Sidetrack abit, just cooked for myself instant noodles! lollol I'm super duper hungry can't express how hungry I was hahahah. Couldn't sleep. Maybe I'm finally growing nowadays I'm always hungry. : /
Anyhow, it's really delicious!! Been super long since I cooked instant noodles.
OK back to 24th June. HOW?!?? I'm like a really really bad friend. Because I'm in a dilemma. THAT DAY, is one day before my block test. And THAT DAY, is judo competition!! I want to watch it. It's like the first ever in my life.( ok abit exaggerating ) I really feel like going. And then, I just realize I still have lessons until 1plus. Which means even if I go, I will be suuuuuper late and the whole thing may have already ended. :o And then, THAT DAY, is my bestestfriend birthday. Let's say I went to watch judo competition and I postponed her celebration because of block tests, then I'm really the worst friend ever. OK I WILL FIND A WAY.
My June holidayyyyy~~~hmmmm feel like it ended in the blink of an eye. I really love holiday. I really really love holiday! The end of it means the start of school. And I don't want the start of school. *sulks*
School's not that bad if we are talking about June and Shien :D, and it's not that bad if we are talking about studying (YES STUDYING). But other than that, they are bad. Like what my friend once said, going to school is like going to jail.
Who likes to go to jail?
I want to go to USS, I want to go to judo, I want to go OUT TO PLAY. I rather plan birthdays than go back school. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against school in general. If you get what I mean ...
Anyhow, because most of my besties birthday fall in the month of June, me together with the rest have been planning and planning yo~~ I find joy in planning for birthday. Especially when the birthday girl had a good one! The satisfaction is beyond words.
And so, the first three weeks of June had been dedicated to birthdays. WHICH MEANS, I neglected my studies! Really neglected it. My pace was like a turtle's. After everything ended, I started paying attention to school work. And I found the way where I work best, I was OVER THE MOON. Hehehe because woah, in just a few days, I completed so much. I am still feeling worried I may flunk everything, but I gained more faith!(:
My block test results, if things stay the way they are now, my prediction is that I will flunk econs. HIGH possibility. Most worried about econs now. And the languages! Haven't touched them.
I'm left with three days and I'm going all out.
I believe if you put your mind to what you are doing, you will achieve what you want!(:
This song suddenly came to my mind. Btw, I love this girl! :D
Will be back after block tests.
AND, I will, with courage, post up my results. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!!
Hi, I'm blogging now to tell you that I can't fall asleep. And I'm hungry.
Now's like going 3am. And I'm still wide awake. Why? Why why why?! My mind now, real busy. Thoughts coming in and out.
OK. I'm overthinking again!! Yet again!
Backspaced whatever that I've typed. Seriously, how to express my thoughts. Am I the only one who have difficulty in expressing myself?
Here 's how my day goes.
Went out with the woman over there. Original plan was to catch a movie. But we have no enough money. So end up finding a place and just sit and talk. Had KOI, thumbs up for green tea macchiato! Oh ya. The dumb me forgot to bring out wallet. And so I got no keys to go home. And so I ended up below the void deck, no place to go. But thank God it's around the time my mum knocks off. Ok then rushed off to judo. I realise I still got some time to spare, so went to buy some stuffs at hub hahahaha. Had grading for judo and if nothing goes wrong, I' m going to upgrade to yellow belt!! :D After judo, went for dinner with weiyang and kweeswee before heading home! (:
Every Tuesday before judo Im a nervous kid. After judo Im a happy kid.
I'm nervous because I worry that I may not do well. And I can't meet the demands in the class. Ok actually I don't really know why. I will just naturally get nervous. Happy kid because it's too much fun! ^^
Ok have to sleep. Even though I doubt I can fall asleep.
At times don't get too serious. Just have fun!
Hi people, okay I'm going to blog about my birthday. Yes! Yesterday was my birthday.
My 17th. It is by far the best I have ever had. It's weird though. I didn't receive any present other than Jiaxin's necklace and my mum's angbao unlike previous years. I didn't receive any cards too. However, it's a good one.
Why? Because I realise a lot. And in one day, I experienced too many different emotions.
Okay this is kind of childish. But I didn't put my birthday in facebook. I wanted to know who cares enough to wish me. Well, if they are my friends, they WILL remember my birthday. And they will BOTHER enough to wish me. With that, I now know who really bother enough.
Let me be super honest in this post.
So why do I say I experienced too many different emotions in one day?
This morning, I was just staying home, watching tv, eating, waiting for time to pass. It didn't feel like it's my birthday AT ALL. It feels like just another boring day at home. And then I got insecure. I mean, who doesn't? It's your birthday for heaven's sake. And what, watch tv day?
And I feel like Amelia's celebration is taking too long to arrive. I can't wait really. I start to overthink.
I was disappointed. OK... I was REALLY disappointed.
Some close friends of mine forgot completely about my birthday.
I was freaking disappointed.
And so, to stop myself from thinking, I played piano. BUT THEN, it didn't work. In fact, it just got worst.
I went back to the room and my brother chose that time to ask me, why am I not going out to celebrate?
SO? SO WHAT HAPPENED?
I broke down. And I started tearing. Freaking retarded.
And I just cry and cry and cry till I can't breathe. Everything. Everything just starts coming back all at once. All the pent-up emotions from the past few weeks.
After I'm finally done crying, I calmed myself down and I came to a few conclusions.
Ok. Actually I didn't. I just got more confused. Because by then, I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't understand. Is it because I didn't do enough? Is it because I didn't care enough? Is it because I didn't spend enough time? Or is it I am just not a good friend? That I don't matter to them. That I only matter THAT much to them. Okay I don't want to say anymore.
So at around 2, Sheryl finally called. And I went out to celebrate my birthday.
Amelia came to fetch me all the way to Serangoon North to get me HAMSTERS! <3 But sadly, I didn't get any because my mum forbids me VIOLENTLY. So the dejected us went back to AMK, to Michelle's house.
AMELIA CHOO LIED TO ME. And I believed her. 我上当了！
She lied to me that they didn't plan anything for me except for that hamster.
I was really really really super sad that time. My whole face changed. Plus the morning's incident, I just got really tired. So everything went according to Amelia's plan, to her great delight.
I found out only when we see Michelle. And they start to blindfold me and brought me to a place.
When I opened my eyes, I was speechless. I can't believe my eyes. All the balloons infront of me, flying to the wind. Sheryl, Amelia and Michelle smiling to me from afar. Oh my gosh.
And when I walked towards them, there's nothing I could say to tell them how touched I was. I fear that my words won't even be enough. So I started crying. Nobody had ever done so much for me.
I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO MUCH! <3<3<3
I have you guys, I feel too blessed.
Brought everything home. All the balloons. <3
And so, at 7 I went to meet TIOJIAXIN. When we met, we just hug. It's been too long. I miss her too much. My bestfriend since primary one.
We just sit down and eat and talk. There's too many things we need to talk already. SIX MONTHS WORTH OF THINGS. And she gave me a really pretty necklace. I love it! It's too pretty! <3
I'm really glad that we can still talk like how we used to. And there are things that only both of us understand. There are things that only she will know. To have her in my life, I am really fortunate.
With her, everything just comes down naturally.
I LOVE YOU JIAXIN! <3
Therefore, I can say I had a really meaningful 17th.
People who wished me happy birthday, I will love them more from now onwards.
From today onwards, I will start to live my own life. And I will make sure to live it to the fullest. You will no longer have a place in my mind and in my heart. I will move on. And you will be a nobody in my life from now onwards. The memories that we shared, it will stay in the past forever.
A lesson learnt.
Hi, it's the month of June already people! The month that is loved by many and the month of joyyyy! My month! *wink*
Today marks the start of my June holiday too. My school was having an extra week of lesson and this extra week of lesson was really torturous. I'm really glad that it's over I'm jumping for joy now!
Well, this whole week has been full of ups and downs. As for school, I don't think I can find any ups.
Out of five days, I think I was punctual for only one day. PRO RIGHT.
Everyday, I feel like I'm preparing for a marathon.
Ran and ran and ran.
But of course, I am able to survive school so far thanks to my beloved girlfriends and my classmates.
They were there for me when I feel so lost. When I feel so messed up. When I feel so screwed.
I have a bad habit of judging people I see. But after this eventful week, I realise that I'm so wrong. Take my classmates for example. I used to judge some of my classmates who I'm not familiar with. But after really interacting with them, I realise they are all really nice people.
"Never judge anyone because you never know how their life is and as to what is happening or what they're going through"
On Tuesday I had judo lesson again and I was really happy. Really really exhilarated. I think it's the only time when I will feel really happy. You know, a few hours after the lesson, I was still feeling really exhilarated.
And then I talked to my senior, which made me feel really inspired.
On Thursday, I went to buy June's present with Shien. We walked around Causeway point for hours till we were really exhausted. Oh! And we bought a big balloon for her and I was responsible for bringing it home. So imagine how I walked on the street and everybody stared at me. Omggggg super super super paiseh!! They all thought that I am the birthday girl! And some even exchanged some comments about the balloon and there were kids shouting after the balloon!
But it was a cool experience. My skin became thicker after that experience! HAHAH.
So we planned everything out to surprise June today. In the end, I think we were the one who got surprised! June was so touched that she cried and we were so surprised omggg. But she enjoyed her day which I'm really glad.
This week I really got a lot of new experiences. First time I skip a lecture. First time I skip a tutorial lesson. First time I got kicked out of a class, alone. First time I carry a large balloon around with me on the street. First time I give someone big balloon for birthday. First time someone touched till cry because of something I do for her.
All the first times, good or bad, they were really great experiences. Not that I dare to get kicked out of class again lahhhhh.
Today we all got back our progress report for the 1st term.
So I'm going to end this post with my CA results:
Chinese language B
General Paper U
Mathematics E
Biology C
Chemistry C
Economics E
Yeah, I'm not satisfied with my results. But I can't complain anything. I didn't put in enough effort, I get the result I deserve.
"You reap what you sow"
June holiday is here. It's time to make up for all the effort I haven't been putting in.
I will make sure I do well for the block test that is immediately after June holiday.
Hello! I feel like I'm starting to distance away from blogger already. I don't know but I don't feel like blogging as much anymore. Well, because I'm too lazy! :X Will still continue blogging yo!
So what's been happening?
Had band AGM yesterday which stands for Annual general meeting? HAHA anyway, it's the day our J2s step down. It was a really... depressing event. I really dread attending the AGM you know :( I don't like going to such events. It feels like we are celebrating that they are stepping down. Wth? Anyway, the whole thing was alright, there's performances(we trombone section performed!:D),talks, videos, hand over ceremony and last but not least FOOD!
Oh! We all gave presents to our graduating seniors too! We are tooooooo sweet HAHAHA.
Okay back to the point. It's a really depressing event. But not so that I will start crying buckets lah! Just this depressing feeling inside me. Even though we've been together for like only 3 weeks? It's not even a month!
But I still feel this closeness with them.
I think they were right to say that it's not about how long you spend together, it's about how much quality time you had together.
In such a short time, my section seniors left me beautiful memories that will stay with me forever.
Now, I shall introduce to you my wonderful seniors!
Back: Me, Vett, Cassandra
Front: Chengyen, Wilfred, Yiheng
:D
I will truly truly miss them. Without them, band will no longer be the same.
School these days were really stress. Ever since the day I was absent from school, I feel like I'm falling into a downward spiral. The amount of overdued homework are starting to pile up till I feel suffocated already.
Slowly, I have difficulty understanding in class already.
However, today I feel like I can finally breathe. Nope it's not because I'm clearing the piled up homework and it's not because I can finally catch up in lectures and tutorials. It's because at least I know there's something I have hope in. MATH! XD I actually top the class for the most recent maths test! Omggggg! I'm both surprised and happy.
Let's continue working hard okay! Never lose hope! :D
Anyway, I got my block test timetable already! Time to start mugging and do well for block test! :D
Actually one of the reason for me not catching up in school work is because of the amount of time I spend on twitter! Twitter is awesome! I'm like addicted to it! :D BUT it's like making me more and more emo!
I have to start to focus on my school work already and remove alll other distractions!!
偷偷告诉你 I've been really really really lazy these few days till I couldn't recognize myself.
Time to buck up! OK BYE.
Love is bound to bring you pain. The more beautiful the memories were, the more it will come back to haunt you when everything ends.
Hi people. Ytd I had dinner with band mates. Well, I'm never good at this kind of things. It was awkward and I don't know most of them. But surprisingly it went out well. We went northpoint to eat and chat. Took trombone section photos too!~~ I like my section! :D I'm glad I had Vett and Yiheng with me ytd! If not I confirm skip the whole thing. So after dinner all of us were heading home and suddenly, very very suddenly, Vett left me. She was taking different transport as us. So I just go with the rest. And then I realise they are all guys. But surprisringly again, it was alright for me. Not very awkward. They are all a bunch of friendly people. And also I feel more comfortable talking to guys. Once again I feel like I'm with judo people! :D Speaking of judo, I missed the practice!! My heart broke into piecesss . Even though I really want to go, I realise I really couldn't go :( I was having high fever, my head feels like it's going to split. So I end up resting at home. But despite all these resting, I haven't fully recover!! The cough still persist and it's getting in my way. I can't talk properly without coughing after every word I speak. I can't play trombone properly. I can't concentrate in lectures and tutorials because I keep coughing. My bio teacher was saying that I may have bacteria infection. Really hope that I recover and be as healthy as a cow soon!
This Saturday is for me to clear up all my overdue homework. And Sunday is for band cip! ~~ Tomorrow band is going to sentosa for some cip and we have to reach at 5.30am in the freaking morning. At first I thought I'm dead. In what way can I get from AMK to yishun when there's no MRT and buses. But all was settled ytd! :D Will be taking cab with yiheng and Samantha to yishun. But now, the problem is, I can't even confirm if I'm going. Because Shien may not be able to go tmrw. High probability she may not be able to go. So I'm left with no one again. Should I just skip the thing too. Or should I try to step out of my comfort zone and still go?
Ok bye!
These are the 'major' events of my life for the past few weeks. HAHAHA I'm not always studying one okay! :D
6/4 Dined at Pariss with My mum and Bro. And Mum's company. Time for gooood food! It's an expensive place! Food's good. :D 8/4 Ice skating at kallang leisure park with Michelle and Audrey! Ice Skating was funnnnn! I'm a noob at it! So all the while I held onto Michelle and Audrey for my life! No falling! Happy birthday to Michelle too! :D Hopes that she enjoyed the day and loves my present for her. 14/4 Watched Titanic. I love it! It's very touching! No I didn't cry. But I almost cried! <3 18/4 Dinner date at Burger King with Amelia! We just talked like normal and spam photos HAHA I always like talking to Amelia. She's very enlightening. It feels like after a long day at work, you seek a rest. She provides warmth and comfort.
Life's been..boring? Every week, every day, you go to school, you do some stuffs, and the same routine repeats again and again. And then yesterday night, I finally stops and think.
What is it that I truly want? Why am I going through all these stuffs? My ultimate goal?
No motivation. No fun. No drive to win. Nowhere to go.
But if I think logically, I should be satisfied with my life. I have school to go. Place to live. Lots of food to eat. Supporting friends and family. Someone to love.
What should I be not happy about?
Because I don't have dreams. And a strong mindset.
I've changed. In a good way and in a bad way. I became more truthful to my own feelings. But I became less sentimental. I am not as optimistic as before.
I've learnt something though. No matter what, follow your passion. I'm no longer in band. I thought it will be better. I thought I will be happier. I thought I can now devote more time to my studies. But I'm wrong. I didn't join band. I lost something to look forward to. Therefore even though I go home early, I don't feel happy. It's this empty feeling inside me. You think you will get better results? Nah. I couldn't find the mood to study. Interact club's great, but I dont feel like I belong there.
Sometimes I really wonder if I've made the right decisions.
