fluttering heart

Maybe studying in school is the best for me. Today Amelia and I had stayed in school till night until i was so exhausted my eyes couldn't open that we went home. After I reached home, all my energy came back and I am energized
This afternoon Mrchen was here! Woohoo! I spammed him questions for one hour plus and it is really effective! I mean I learnt alot too. And especially happy was he praised me! He said I improved and if i continue working hard, I'll be fine.Yoohoo! ~ *jumping up and down with joy* His words meant a lot to me. They also reassured me. Now I feel that all those hard work before preliminary didn't go to waste, because biology 's did, it made me feel so much better.Hahhaha. So nothing else today except for the talk by the principals. I don't really care how others feel about me, but I do care how I feel about myself. I'm not going to feel inferior anymore but move forward.

You made my heart beat faster .

do you bother enough to care

Yesterday's marina barrage trip was not as bad as expected. But I was emotionally drained after I came home and I slept for hours. Little was accomplished.

Today, history repeat itself. I slept for hours as well and I am only left with THREE hours to study! ><
School these days are weirdly exhausting, when in fact, we didn't do much. I guess it's all those pretense that's taking away most of my energy.

Mrs Thomas said today that if we are thinking of all those chemistry equations, math formulas, hitler and stalin when we are sleeping, it shows that we are not resting well enough. And that by dreaming of them while sleeping, we are not really registering them into our subconscious but in fact they are only at the surface and we will forget them very soon. Ohno! And I thought it was a good thing to dream about them.: (

These days I've been having weird dreams! Dreams that are very extreme, one night I can be having a very sweet dream and next night I will be having a nightmare! But the positive aspect overtook the negative aspect. Because my sweet dreams are tooo~ sweet. Hehe. I found myself looking forward to the end of the day.

And I'm going to sleep soon! Mrs Thomas says it is important to have a good night sleep!
Wish you have a sweet dream.


There seems to be a voice in my head constantly telling me that I am not good enough, sometimes, it will tell me that I'm bad. Always reminding me. Always.

No more distractions from now on. No more commitments except the o.

moving back and forth

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.

~Sally Field

Study with an end in mind

Study with an end in mind. I am doing this paper now, what is it that I want to achieve?

Full marks ? A1 ? A2 ? Or just a pass ? With an end in mind, a goal, you will get there or near there.

My study methods are not working. And I got the same freaking sucky results for Chemistry prelim. The more I thought of it, the more I have to fight the tears from falling. And I want to know, why? Why am I getting this sucky result yet again? Why am I back to square one?

Afterall, I focused my time on Chemistry and I can say I really studied hard this time round.

So I felt really terrible. I seems to lose sight of where I'm going next. How should I move on. And whenever I touched my books and start studying, in the back of my mind, it will be the digits I got for Chemistry. I lost the momentum. Lost the drive to move forward. So these two days, I no longer study as hard. And as a mean of escaping, I wasted my time taking nap that lasted for hours.

But, after I woke up from my sleep just now and read Amelia's sms about what MrGad advised, I realised something. Why am I doing this to myself? How can I treat myself like that?

Because if you ask me, it's a miracle I can sit down and study for hours non-stop and there are days when I studied for the whole day. I used to can't stand studying just two hours. I can barely reach two hours. But for this prelim, I actually got into the habit of studying in the library for the whole day until the library closes, for almost everyday. When I start studying, the feeling I got was great, so I continued studying, even when I'm really saturated and exhausted, I told myself, it'll be worth it and I pushed myself further. I started forcing myself to take in the information faster and getting more done in the day. Till the point where I didn't stop to think. Am I really absorbing the information? Or is it just on the surface?

That's where things went wrong.

I am forcing myself to study. I am studying for the sake of studying hard. Because studying super hard made me feel good about myself. But, it's not effective!

It is not because I didn't work hard enough, it's because I didn't work smart enough.

And I don't deserve all those torturing I gave myself. When I said, I did my best, how can I still treat myself so badly?

All I need to do is to change my ways. Because now I have faith in myself that I have enough discipline to sit down and study. One problem settled, isn't it great?

When studying, don't have a mindset of chionging. Because the opposite work better.

Hello! And see! Amelia! What dedicating this song to me and that it really suit me har! Hmph!

Hehe. But I prefer the song that's before it more. More touching.

I posted it up! Give you face right:D

These few days I can't say I camped in the library, but I can already feel accustomed to it and that it's like my another home. But I still don't like the walking distance there and the air-con inside :(

I'm thinking that I'll choose Mac over library seriously, just like Amelia.

These days, I realised that my memory is really bad and that I should really re-consider when I give my promises. Instead of giving empty promises, I'll rather give no promises.

"Promise little and do much."

~Hebrew Proverb

John Wooden on true success

"If you make the effort to do the best of which you're capable, try and improve the situation that exists for you, I think that's success. And I don't think others can judge that."

John Wooden on true success | Video on TED.com

I love this. (:

Hello people. I think I miss the outside world. Having deactivated facebook, I'm still not used to it. Nowadays, I've been studying. I've been changing my strategy again and again. So for now, I think I'm focusing on building up my foundation. The basic concepts. Next week and school is reopening. Btw I've been lazy to update but I'm here now because I can't sleep. It's so irritating these few days as I will lie on my bed for hours unable to fall asleep. So at night when I can't sleep, I'll be bored and wondering what to do. Other than my sleep pattern, I'm been quite well these few days. And I'm really hoping that my hard work will pay off.

Oh and I changed the blogskin because as long as they display the date it is better than the last one.

That's all. (:

I'm feeling exhausted right now. Let's see what I did today. I had violin exam which make me freaked out. I changed, tied up my hair, and rushed to school. And expected, I was late for the english course. I found it useful and interesting!

Then, had a nice and fun chat with tingwei before heading home. When I'm home, I slacked and watched Protect the boss , which is nice! Yoga lesson at night and I'm loving it still <3. After revising some english and nothing else, I'm here blogging! I guess I'll call it a day and reluctantly waste another day away as you can see, I did almost zero revision. I'm beat.(Why? Is it because today is Monday?)

No more excuses from tomorrow onwards Yilian! We shall chiong all the way!

Night.

Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.~Peter T. Mcintyre

Tell you the truth, I've been slacking these few days. I'm not out studying and I'm not studying at home.

And I've been having sleepless nights. This morning, my brother and I went jogging and flying kite!

Before the sun rise, we were jogging and I'm ahead of my brother! Because he slowed down intentionally :( My drive came from him as I ran with all my might thinking, Don't overtake don't overtake don't overtake. If he really run, he'll soon be out of my sight. And then we went kite flying. It's my first time and after several failed attempts I finally managed to fly it high! The feeling was too awesome! After we are satisfied, we head back home and I manage to catch up with my sleep.

Tomorrow shall be my last SWSY practice and the day after shall be my violin exam!!! Omg.

After my violin exam, I'm hoping I will find back the momentum again and chiong my studies. It marks the start of intensive studying.

Anyway, haiz. There's this person who I think find joy in me not studying. When I'm down, you will be happy and when I'm up, you will be worried.

It's okay because I think almost everyone can't help having these kind of thoughts. But making it so obvious is not making me very happy.

I will give my best shot!(: