I think all of us have wasted too many opportunity to show how much we cared.
Love don't come easy, love won't be there for you if you don't search for it.
This trip back to KL I made a lot of realisation. Everyone has their vulnerable side.
It sure did touches my vulnerable side I swore I could cry.
I thought a lot and I think I came up with the answers.
This trip has made me seen the other side of my Dad.
I'm really proud of him.
My Dad had insisted we go home the next day to focus on my studies and for my brother to go for volleyball training for the coming tournament.
But we had tried to persuade him and I had said I wanted to stay to send my grandpa off.
In the end, I think it's because of my mum, he stayed. Due to some reasons, he is the only representing son-in-law. He have to do quite a lot of stuffs.
I can see that even if his body couldn't take it, he perservered and did a good job.
I have to admit, I was furious at him because I might be able to see grandpa for the last time, but he insisted I stayed to study.
But now to think of it, it's because he cared for me.
I love you Dad.
This three days trip, we did alot of prayers for grandpa and we have to stayed up late and wake up early.
There was alot of relatives and friends.
Almost all the relatives were there.
But I can't help but suspect, who is the one who's heart really go out to my grandpa who was lying inside, in the coffin. Who really cried for him, who really cried for this loss.
It was perfectly right when it said, "when you want to know who really cared for you, it's during your funeral, who was there, crying because you are gone."
The worst part was to walk up to the coffin for the first time and see for yourself.
Grandpa is really gone.
During the whole funeral, I still can't accept it.
But we all have to move on.
Yesterday night when I came back, I cried hard. It's not because I still can't accept that I had lost my grandpa forever. It's because I really can't take how loveless this world is. I used to believe everything everyone said. I used to think everyone is good. But the reality hit hard.
There are just people who are fake.
So I went to bed. And I promised myself, I must do all I can, to show how much I care, to show how much I love. Even though I don't know how, but I will find my way there, I will figure it.
There are too many less fortunate in the world. I am already very fortunate.
Rest in peace grandpa. I love you.
