Action speaks louder than words. 事实胜于雄辩。Yeah, wrong words is okay, you get what I mean can alr. Sorry, this post is a short one. I have to get back to my work. And I miss my mum. She's coming back ONLY next week. D:

Bye(:

Hello I'm damnnnn tired but I still blog I'm not sure if the post will make sense. SWAMI today, omg I cried. Okay. It made me realise a lot. And then immediately after we reach school went for band practice till 9pm. I like night practises. (Y) Should I talk about the CIP trip? At first it's just tears welling up in my eyes I managed to hold it back. But then geena suddenly burssssst out crying! And then my tears start flowing too and it can't stop. Why they must suffer all these. How did they feel when they have to live there. How did they feel when they have to play games that only primary school kids play. They have to just accept the cruel fate and live on. But I know that I am very lucky because I am still young. And that I know that they have no more chance to relive their life.

To end this post, I shall say I love 4I'11, I love Mr Chng, I love our SUPERMAN class tee.

P/S Class tee remind me of Mr Tan 's action today when he stop us halfway because he can't stand our superman class tee. HAHAHA.

And camp success ended, the CIP is the highlight, the rest is, like that.

yilian.

Hello I'm back again. Reflect reflect. 25+28+31= 84.

84days has past since first day of 2011. I think mine is not wasted. How about yours.

When I looked back, I can remember quite alot of events that has unfolded and that I have grew alot.

I wonder about this blog too.

Does it show my character? Is it well written?Is my real life character different from my blog?

I hope it shows well of how I have been doing.

I am here because I just did a math paper. GREAT achievement for me because I finally hold up my pen and start it. So I 'm here to relax because omg the paper was hard I don't know how to do more than half of the paper. At this rate how am I going to score well for maths paper? My A1 how am I going to achieve it. It shows how weak I am now at maths.

I want to score straight A1 for o level, math is one of them. I don't like Chemistry the most. But I don't want to give it up completely even if I don't intend to include it in L1R5.

Emath: A1

Chinese: A1

POA: A1

This three subjects I must get straight A.

The rest include english, combined humanities, biology.

Those three must put in MUCH more effort in order to get straight A.

Okay even if I love to get out of reality, I must study hard if not I will get no where.

Dear yilian, tell yourself that you can do it. You must do it. You wouldn't want to end up in places you hate would you?

time to sleep, AGAIN!:D

yilian:D

I had a nap. Supposedly one hour nap became a 4 hour nap. It's a weird one because I had a LOT of weird dreams. All bunched together. It's weird because my recent problems and thoughts and whatever are ALL in the dream. Hahas. I didn't think it's a good nap.

So today 's second day of camp success. I liked it today!:D

2 hours of EMATH, 2 hours of Biology, 1 hour of Chemistry.

I survived all the two hours! Intensive one I like. Even though it is NOT really intensive as expected those kind. After this camp success has ended I won't remember it because it didn't really stand out from normal lessons.

Tomorrow our class is going out to SWAMI to visit the old folks. I really look forward to it. Really.

I feel SO much better. :D

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

yilian :D

23 march 2011, 15days to SYF, 66days to chinese 'O' level. I don't know what I'm doing now. Time is ticking by all the moment.

Show, don't tell .

It's an important element in writing narrative. It's also applicable in real life.

Show and not tell. But it's so hard to show. Telling is simple for me. I can say almost so easily.

An example.

person A: person B, go and punish that person because she did something wrong.

next day

person A thinking. Oh my god, how can she do that? It's wrong! What to do?

And then person A will start to argue with herself whether or not she should punish or whether or not what she did is really wrong. Maybe it is acceptable?

Whoever it is, it will always be easier to say than to do. That 's when great courage comes in.

Back to me.

My heart felt heavy. When I see her, my heart sank. Something must has gone wrong.

But what is it?

I am confused. I am feeling miserable.

I think I know. It all come down to a simple courage. Confidence.

It's the moment when you felt you have lost yourself.

And while you are trying desperately to find back yourself, you lost others.

I have to stop and think.

Some things are important, some are less important. I am bad at prioritising.

That's why even my life turn out in this state.

I fall in love with this piece in an instant. I love the melody because it remind me of the dramas I watched! This video is not as nice as the original:(

When I am not truthful, what do I expect in return?

I don't understand why I used near 10minutes to blog this too when I am not truthful.

Why must this blog be public? It made me careful of what I wrote.

Yet I want it to still be because inside me I know I want people to reach out to me.

I really am clueless what to do. I shall take a rest and then face it when I am fully awaken.

Why can't I understand that just being able to breathe and live is the most wonderful thing.

yilian.

sing the violin tune

I bought a new violin!:DDD

I am happy. I like it. My new baby.

Today is our first day I can remember and have anniversaries! Haha!

Brother is back from Thailand and Dad and I went airport yesterday at 12midnight to fetch him. I like the airport for some reasons.

It is the place where I can get far away from Singapore.

I am waiting for that day.

Thoughts running around in my head. Everywhere I'm thinking. Basically I have in mind my life routes. And! They says that imagination is the best thing a human can get. So, so I imagine I am the one flying overseas!

Back to band, the days are REALLY running out and it makes me nervous. That day is really coming soon. So soon. I cannot imagine how it will feel when the number of days left got down to a single digit.

But I like the feeling of working hard together, for one purpose and have people supporting us.

Because it will be our stage.

Argh damn I really crave for success.

Happiness is a thing to be practiced, like the violin.

goodbye! yilian:D

follow your heart

Hello I'm happy. (:

It's always like this. I think. The pattern is there.

I will get so down once in a while, so freaking down and then, the days after it will be fun.

Maybe it's the difference. Today we went to huayi for exchange, so nice playing together!:D

Huayi ppl are nice(: And after the exchange I went for AJC 's concert together with michelle howjin and yanjia. I was running late. Didn't has the chance to have a proper dinner. Nice performance!:D Only thing is it's short. We left after talking to cheehan!(:

The concert marks the end of my march holiday! Everyday band-related stuffs! I like! :D

I love the feeling when I'm in a concert, especially in the night!

It gave me the emotions to think and reflect. During the concert, I was thinking of my story.

How amazing is everything. I am a girl who knows nothing about band. I didn't even know it's existence before secondary school life. Basically my primary school has no band which suckssss.

Then I come to mayflower sec. Band is still something foreign.

For example is an example I don't even know exist now.

And it is not in my cca list. My choice was actually chinese dance my primary school cca -.-

So, I forgot what happened but jiaxin and I were hesitating oh wait, it's only me.

We were outside the HOD room. And then band occured to me. How about band?

Hahas it's just me browsing all the cca and thinking.

And THEN, THE FEELING OF THE BAND CAME. Oh I mean the feeling band, mayflower, left me. The then members playing for us.

I stood in the music room with all those amazing mirrors and the chilly air -con and they played a song which touched me. And we left the music room, I looked back and wanted to stay there longer. That's it. That's the feeling. That's also the reason I think we are playing music for.

To touch the audience.

And because of that, I joined. Everything comes down to that. Even though there is another factor which, I heard the rumors that band is TOUGH. Hahas I 'm curious HOW TOUGH.

And I went against all those ppls and joined. No harm after all.

Then an anti-social girl, who likes to stay at one corner, went for the audition. And I am in.

Still a few- word girl, I'm selected as the secretary. I AM shocked. This was my then thought:

omg my first post in my life!

And I went around boasting to my family how awesome and fortunate it is.

And I followed all the rules and did my job. I strive for the best. And I mean it.

SYF 2009. Like I said, I followed all the rules. So I didn't have much memories left.

Slowly I was learning to open up....

And then I was selected as the band major. I still remember vivdly how it went.

Jollibbee and me were called out to find ms mok . We were wondering what happened. Really wondering and guessing. We were thinking why call a secretary and a QM?

And we were dumbfounded. It was at the bench outside the hall.

Ms mok started by passing us sheets of paper. I still don't know what it was.

I read. It wrote there as camp. Omg I thought. I don't like camp. Being the anti-social girl,

camp to me means socialising and meeting new people.

Then I asked her what it was, she explained. I still didn't get it. And then a much straightfoward answer, everything came to light. We were shaking. But we kept quiet and listened to her intently. When we walked back into the music room, I felt as if the whole world was on my shoulder. How heavy. Because, ms mok don't allow us to tell ANYBODY except for family. Imagine I have to keep it inside me something so freaking damn shocking I thought I was dreaming. And then I rushed home after that, I broke the news to my family.

Now, I am a band major who is stepping down in 20days time. I am not a good major.

But I benefitted so much from it it seems impossible to a 4years-ago-yilian.

And I spent almost everyday to band-related stuffs. My contact to music widened so much.

Now I still can't really identify the instruments and whatsnot when listening to band music.

But few days ago I really listened. I tried. Using my ear. And I heard something new. I heard into the music and not just overall. Instruments overlapping each other etc. The experience left me easily exhausted. But it's so fun and I likey!

So back to today, listening to the concert. Everything appeared amazing. I looked at the band in front of me and the beauty of it.

And I thought, nobody knows the future. Everything and anything may happen and by that time I shall think back at how amazing it is.

After I stepped down from mayflower band, I am going to continue my band life. I want to.

But what if something foreign happened again.

I will still face all endeavours with open heart. Because that is me.

What I'm meant to be. And what I'm meant to experience.

I'm hungry:(

Okay! Back to the present!

11.11 I hope that mayflower band will get silver for SYF 2011.

And also I must be back to my homework! Chiong all the homework during the weekend.

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Goodbye!

yilian:D

You moved on.

You changed.

But I am stuck here.

Not moving forward.

I don't know how long will it last.

Where there are friends, there is wealth.

Hello(: I'm feeling lethargic... Does it mean tired? Hmm...

Actually today is a fun day. But few hours before the day was ending, I'm busy with a board.

For hours-.-

I'm glad I'm done with it. I definitely wouldn't want to do it halfway.

I am not even an artist I am a musician yet I felt otherwise.
Anyway, happy day!:D Guangyang exchange, we went as audience, Amelia and I took my dad's car there and the three of us were lost. We asked someone on the street and he was giving funny answer we laughed out loud. LOL with Amelia:D

The exchange was great, with a lot of MCB's member as audience!:D

After the exchange we took Mr Tan's car and we went J8 for lunch before heading back school for tuitionnnnnn! Together with Michelle and Lili:D

CRAPPED A LOT WITH LILI. HAHAHA

Laughed so much! We are retarded! Always have fun with her:D

Oh and we did study, we studied!

Hahas. We did study even though we kept on laughing. And then we left school and I went to buy things for the board-.- My plans were all delayed because of the board.

Never mind. After all I finished it.

Now I am going to sleep and get ready for tomorrow!:D

Retarded post ! LOL. No content I shall add something meaningful then!

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Greatness is not achieved by chance, but by deliberate effort and toil."
M.K. Soni

Goodnight!

yilian:D

HELLO blogger my friend who listn to me without judging. Listening to me blabber on everyday.

I have to tell you I had a bad day. A day I consider wasted because I was angry. But then I had a nap, a long one, which helped a lot. I consider myself healed from the day 's craziness. It was not a good sleep that revitalize me, just one that made me less tired.

How much tear do you want me to shed for you ah band.

I am giving my best, even if I am not, I am willing to give my best. So why don't you?

My brother's currently in Thailand, my mother just went to Malaysia. Oh how lonely. I will be alone with Daddy until Sunday. Miss them so, my confidant. But lucky my dad is one of them. We are close!:D

There is a question that keeps on ringing in my head I want to know the answer.

Papa says I should speak up for myself. It made me feel helpless.

They says that a leader should not cry infront of his/her followers. The reason is simple.

They will know that you are weak and that they can bully you.

But I shall say why not? Nobody is right or wrong. You cry because you are sad you are angry.

But that doesn't mean I will allow anyone to bully me.

Like I said, I had a bad day. I kept on reflecting. It was on things that I have no answer to.

Papa says I should concentrate on my studies because all these are small things. In the working world, things are worst. Your enemies will want your money, your position, your status or even your life. There will be no one to shield you or to take you in care. You ARE on your own.

I shed tears of anger. How disappointing you are.

Everything I shall take in my stride.

Life is short and I shall live in my own way.

I will push myself further and get out of my comfort zone for everything I do.

It is all up to you now. Because you must know time is running out. Everything will come to an end and it is up to you if the end will be beautiful or, ugly.

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.

Goodluck.

yilian:D

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

I love this.

Hey I SHALL blog today:S

Tired to the max but still. Had fun.

Huayi first followed by Christchurch. We had band for the whole day.

8 sharp meet mr tan at coffeeshop, huayi for the morning, christchurch for the afternoon.

back:D enlightened. Hmm..not really.

Yesterday didnt had a good sleep, it was too cold!:x

As for Monday, I had some dream I remember. It seems I was in love with this guy, but it was a sad love story. I woken up in shock.

Mr toru came, omg we sounded so different and I had fun playing. We played for the whole day too.

Nice experience:D Oh and I missed my bus-stop. I was reading a book and when I looked up, my bus-stop has passed. So might as well wrong all the way, went ahead to top up my ezlink card.

A fall into a ditch makes you wiser.

Hello eventful day:D Out of the house for majority of the day:D

Violin lesson then lunch then buy things then back home. Out again for the library, lunch again(-.-) then buy things then homed. I borrowed library books!:DAnd went to look at violin omg I'm so tempted to buy!D: But have to consider a lot. I really want to buy a new and better violin. My dad's willing, but I don't want to act without thinking. Urgh. When I'm home, I fall asleep.

Slept for very long..Woken up by a phone call.

Piano for awhile, dinner(late!) and here infront of computer!:x

Walking in the shadow of fear
drowning endlessly by a single tear
running along side of self-discovery
fearing the loss of self- recovery
parts of mind going unknown
dangerous sides going unshown
one day you will eventually die
so today make everything right

Shelby Denham

Today, make everything right.

goodnight:D

Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.

Winston Churchill.

Experience is not what happens to a man, but what a man does with what happens to him.

Aldous Huxley.

Arrow are shot by dragging the bow back similarly, if life is dragging you back with problems, be patient. It's getting ready to shoot you to new heights.

Anon.

realisation

Hey it's late but I'm not sleeping yet. Just thought of blogging down my thoughts. A short post.

I love music. I love reading. I love to watch dramas. And I think I know why now. I love to bring out the emotions in the music, I love to follow the emotions of the writer and lastly I love to be carried away by the storyline of the show. All of them got me out of the reality. And I realise, I love to fantasize. Get carried away by my own thoughts. And I dream when I'm awake and when I'm sleeping. I once told my brother how much I love watching dramas, and he said maybe I can be a director and produce my own show in the future. But that's not what I want. My new love, reading, made me realise the root of my loves. To create. My own. To demonstrate my feelings and character. I brought out the character in my piano playing but in terms of violin and trombone, I need to work harder. I'm really happy. I realised that there are so many ways I can express myself. I used to be a crybaby. Because that's the only way I know to express myself. But things has changed. I have changed. So now, I must improve my english and read everything so that one day, I can write a well and polished story. And then, continue practicing hard!

This is me now. Oh yes, I'm happy!:D

PS I just finish reading A leap of love, it's nice. And my brother just went to Thailand for exchange for one whole week, I guess I can't be too dependant on him:(

breathe in the hope

It's rare I'm awake when the sun just rise in the morning of a saturday.

It feels good to breathe in the air of saturday morning once in awhile.

I took a walk around the school with lili.

As you look into his face can you tell him your happy to have lived the life you did to feel the pain you felt or are you ashamed of your life your wrong doings as you continue to stare in his eye he says i cant judge you only u can judge your self.

-Joey Martinez

Off to books. Goodbye:D

28

Hello I had an early night yesterday I slept for 12hours, I think(:

I went for my dental straight after school the dentist praised that my school tie looks nice. LOL.

Braces changed to pink I'm feeling sweet that moment!:D

Today is the last day of school going for march holiday break, woots!:D

And I got two new tee, class tee:D, and sl tee.

My friends are right I think I may explode. But I'm lucky I have someone to talk to.

Nowadays I'm getting frustrated easily. One of the good I think I'm gaining is how to handle stress.

I'm still not a pro at it but I think I'm much better than before!(:

How much a human being will change after a period of time because of the situation around.

There are more and more times I'm controlling the urge to curse and swear.

Amazing uh. I bet you didn't know.

What I can only say is, I'm so different as compared to before.

I think I really need to find some time to chill out.

Anyway, stay happy!:D

Happy holiday! omg holiday is really coming!

yilian:D

fight 30, band

Short post because I need to rush out something impt I must succeed.

Fun day(: I must not let my determination waver! It's do or die. I have no choice. Yilian, please remember and wake up now.

give me strength, give me luck.

goodbye(:

oh dear

HELLO!

Lucky I still can remember yesterday's event :x

I heard a touching real life story I was very affected by it I was sad for one hour straight.

It made me realise how minor my worries are. How fortunate I am. That I am fortunate yet I do not cherish it. Made me so saadddd! Yoga was fun omg. We walked down the studio shaking our butt :x Ok the rest I forgot.

Today! omg my whole brain is occupied by it and I can't stop thinking about it ever since 5. 15.

Sad to say I want to talk to people :x Urgh. Hurry tomorrow hurry come.

Oh yea, I remember I took the wrong bus yesterday. Twice straight I took the wrong bus! I looked at the bus, and I thought I can take it. Wah really very . Two times somemore. And I thought it's really destined I must walk.

Today. Stayed back afterschool till late and leave sch with junyang and bee.

Oh man I'm really very distracted now. What to do. Someone, talk to me-.-

Oh yea I have unknown number missed call me I can't call back-.-

And I keep having weird thoughts today :x

goodbye!

don't go

Hello(: Update for the day.

I had a long sleep last night(more than 12hours) after yesterday's events.

Went for exchange, went for piano exam(i'm satisfied), back to exchange, went to mac for after-action review with the majors for exchange, gave junhui a ride home.(when will I have my own car), homed.

My sleep, had weird and a lot of dreams. Piano lesson today, teacher praised me for improving a lot( over the moon), I finished reading the new storybook and now working on new vocab words. My coughing is back to haunt me I don't know why and my parents are insisting I eat medicine. I heard that we are getting our class tee tomorrow oh yeah.

Yesterday's events really leave me exhausted and thinking.

I discussed with my dad about what I thought and he shared his wisdoms. I must remember yesterday.

How much I realised books are the one I have. It will bring me to the future, a bright one.

Music is a hobby. Knowledge must be my priority now. How much I must remind myself.

I love my friends. End of update(:

yilian:D

Hello!:D

I had a long day. Being pissed off I guess is the best way to drain energy.

School today is tiring.

Start off with my dad turning the wrong direction and went off to my bro's school first which I end up running late for school.

I skipped recess because we have to do some investigation in class.

I think the problem is not anyone's fault. And if we were to be punished, whole class should be together. Oh and did I mention I was one of the suspect? Well because it originated from our chinese class. Recess is gone. Lunch is gone too because I thought I'm going to do this or do that which I end up not doing. Band, preparation for exchange. Stayed back late.

I'm very touched my friend!:D Nothing can express my gratitude for you and you!

And we went home late:(

Oh and I was scolded by some strangers!!._.

I off the wrong switch and the light went off in the hall. Damn, I just want to help.=_=

Nvm, I shall forget about it.

I troubled too many ppl today:(

Anyway, music theory and band exchange tomorrow morning, I'm exhausted already but I have to hold on. I hope everything went smoothly.

yilian:D

Penguins are loved!:D

Bio lessons are the BEST!:DDD

searching

Hello!(:

Today had chem SPA2, easy but not that easy. Whatever. It's over(:

It drained all my energy..

I stayed back after school for band stuff, I find Junhui funny! LOL.

Had a lot of fun(:

Coming soon: Band exchange. Grade 5 theory.

Trying to cope yea. I MUST pay more attention on my studies.

Now I find that my stuff's messy. All the papers flying around in my room.

I must find time to clean up the mess and get moving.

Take care(:

237;34

Exhausted= Very tired.

I got back all my marks for commontest, not very promising.

Yesterday had soundcheck at SCH. Fond memories came rushing back(:

Having SPA2 tomorrow, goodluck!

yilian:D

EDIT: Our bus passed the Singapore Flyer while going back mayflower yesterday night,

omg awesome it's so beautiful.

I want go with trombone section! If it's not ex or if someone spnsor.

Nice!