zero degree

Hellooo. How's your weekend? No more weekend for me luh. Now's all muggin days. 24/7 mug. I want to do well for promos. Anyway I'm really really glad that gp and chinese are over first. Now I have 24days to concentrate solely on the other 4 subjects. But, I'm....feeling this immense sadness. Because I won't be going judo for months. I feel ... sad :( . Sighs. It's ok. Nevermind. I have to priorities anyway. It's good to take a break too. Byebye! (:

self-pity

 "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality"

Think I've been wallowing in self-pity for too long. Feels so tiring. The more I think about the situation, the worst it gets. Don't know since when I've been like this. Have this feeling of losing my ground on the earth.

Maybe I really think too much and engage in too much self-talk. 

I'm already close to the age of adulthood, but still feel like an immature kid. Very dependent on people. How to survive in the real world?

But then, quoted from Amelia's blog:

 "I'm tired for now so I'm thankful for holidays. I can wallow in my self-misery until I gain courage to put those feelings aside or at least try to control them. I'm tired of fighting against them."

Totally agree. No more going to school. No more meeting of people. Finally, I can have time for myself for the week. 

Please please, I want to focus on my studies already!! Have to focus on my studies already. 

Anyway, today, I went for judo training. And you know what? I think my braces broke! :( First time in training, and also just before the due date to take them out! It's during randori and it got stuck to Vincent's gi. I think I'm so good at managing the crisis that nobody knew I broke it. Even Vincent didn't realise. I just panicked awhile and then try my best to get them out. 

But still, I guess I'm too skilled for this kind of situations already. In case you don't know, a lot of emergencies happened to me before. But almost every single time, I solved it myself. Even if my friends are with me. My first reaction is to think about what I can do calmly, and then just try it. For instance, one day I was out with all my close friends and we were all happily sitting down. But then all of a sudden, one of my slippers broke. And it broke so thoroughly that I know I can't wear or walk with it anymore. And we still have plans later on. So I just stare at them and think of what I can do. It's really weird. I didn't thought of asking my friends who are sitting OPPOSITE me and BESIDE me for help. Even when I don't know what to do already. I didn't want to ask them for help. I didn't want to tell them too. I think this is just me. I don't want to trouble people and also I don't know how to ask for help. I think it's something good and also bad at the same time. All these experiences train me to be tougher. I guess that's one of my good point, always calm during crisis. But it's also something bad. Because it makes me tired. Sometimes I just wanna rely on someone, on the people around me. Whenever I try to solve things on my own and not ask for help, I will feel like I'm alone too. 

Ok I'm stopping here. I want to sleep already! And I'm going to enjoy my holidays!! Feel happy for me yo!~ :D:D:D

BYEBYE. 

PS Don't worry I'm not always an emo girl! :)

It's been a long while.
And now's already September.

Because I just read Amelia's blog. Suddenly have the feel to blog.
But I doubt anybody's still coming here. Hahaha.
 
AMELIA CHOO WHY SO EMO.
Make me sad also:(
Anyway now's also in the middle of the night and I can't sleep so TADA I'M HERE.

I think I've changed too. Ever since I went into JC, I changed. It's been a really long while.
Sometimes just the thought of going to school tires me out. I don't feel like I belong there. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. The people there...I just feel sad. Maybe in secondary school I'm already emo enough. But trust me. I'm worst in JC. There's nobody I can talk to. Except for Shien, June and Sasha. I can't bring myself to be myself. I can't approach the rest. So hard. I guess when you lost the feeling of connectness for too long, you get used to it. Once in school, I feel like I just put on a mask and became another person. So when you see me in school ignoring almost everybody, it's because I'm trying to be myself. I'm trying to stop myself from being someone else. So actually that's a good thing? Haha. But I've been thinking, isn't it like this since secondary school? Isn't things like this since I start to learn how to think? I was always in my own little world. I almost always didn't let anybody in. Never be myself, never speak what I want to speak.
Now that I'm older, I start to realise, hey actually I haven't really learn how to interact with people.

But because of Shien, I never lose hope. I can't express how glad I am to have her in my life. But I don't think she'll know. Haha. I learn to express myself properly. I learn to trust. I learn that actually if I want, I can just be myself. I learn that I'm not that bad actually. Really, she keep me going.  

To some extent, she understands me. And that's enough. How many people out there truly understands me HELLO? But it's okay. Because it's my fault too. I am to be blame.

I'm afraid of my own thoughts. Many times I need music just so that I won't be alone, with my own thoughts. Even now, I don't dare to truly hear myself out.

Really, I think if you want to be emo, there's no limit. But if you want to be positive, there's a limit to it.
But then, everybody has moments when they feel sad, when they has low self-esteem, when they don't know who they are themselves.
Misery breeds misery.

In the end, I believe we just have to do what we are supposed to do. Don't let our emotions get to us.
It's that simple. Just do what you have to do.

I'm ending this post! Haha. Sorry for the abrupt end!

 TAKE CARE. AND LOVE YOURSELF. :)

Cause even the stars, they burn. Some even fall to the earth~

93 million miles

Just know, wherever you go, you can always come home! (: 

dance

Hi! :) Wish you are doing well! :)

Recently, I joined the Canberra cheerleading team in school! I am surprised I can get this far. At start, I was doubtful if I can do well. Because in cheerleading you have to be high and sociable and all. You have to dance as well. Hahaha. I sucks at dancing! However, after all the trainings, I am really happy I made it this far. We included stunts and all like climbing on other people etc. Cheerleading's really cool! I am so glad I decide to be part of the team. It is one of the right decisions I had made! <3

Also, the Canberra spirit is really awesome. We are having intensive training now for the Kings Of Street next Wed! Hope we can get champion!:D

There are people who I haven't been speaking to for quite some time and I find myself missing them. There are people who I really like too. And I find myself so lucky to have met them in my life. Hehe being thankful to the awesomeness of life now. Some of the people I know are having a hard time in life now. I really hope they will stay strong and find the strength from within.

Sometimes I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. I mean, I am blessed with life but I'm always wasting it away. I am not stretching myself to the fullest potential. There are people who are really working hard with their life, trying to earn a living or just struggling to survive. But I'm not giving my best. Yilian, jiayou!! Anyway, here's my mid year results. Two sub-pass, two Ds, one E, one B.

take care! (:

smile again because the world is still beautiful

If I have a choice, I will want to have this power to cheer someone up almost instantly. To make the people around me happy.

One of the best thing in the world, is you love me and I love you. When there is true love. You found someone you can't live without and he/she found you who he/she can't live without.

爱你

Hi.
Hope you are doing well these days. :)

I'm just going to do a simple post today. My exam is over but I'm having my "A" level chinese oral tomorrow. Once I was thinking, there's no time when I can be free of worry luh.  After block test I was hoping for a rest/break and to stop worrrying about things, but no. Very hard. I guess I have to get used to it. 认清事实. It's all in the mind anyway. Choose to enjoy everything and just relax. :)

This Friday had a heart-to-heart talk with Sasha and got to know a lot more about her.
Also had kind of an emotional talk with Shien before heading home. Shed some tears.

Let's all be strong okay? :) I don't mind getting any obstacles in life anymore. Eventually they are the things that teaches us a lesson and make us stronger than before isn't it? So let's embrace them with open arms!

I feel like life is a constant battle. Sometimes it's really torturous.

Have to reconnect with all my beloved friends soon. And I'm thinking of getting myself a mp3 player! Haha!
Oh ya! I've been bringing lunchboxes to school! Really cool and awesome I tell you. My mum cooked every morning for me to have it in school. And I'm eating more now. And more healthily too! Hehe.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend! :D

the beginning of the end

Hey! Finally blogging again. A proper post! (Y)

I'm going to sum up my June holiday. Hah! To me it has already ended even though I still have one last week. I'm going to dedicate this last week to mugging so yup, that's the end of my holiday.

Pretty eventful holiday. <3

1st JUNE, JUNE'S birthday! :D

4th JUNE, my birthday! HAHAHA had the best one ever! <3

8th JUNE, TINGWEI'S birthday! :D

15th JUNE, SHERYL'S birthday part 1! :D

16th JUNE, SHERYL'S birthday part 2! :D

AWESOME AWESOME! All the birthday girls uhhh! June's babies! :D 

We are all 17 already yo yo yo! ~~~

Now only left with birthday of my bestestfriend! 24th JUNE! <3

Sidetrack abit, just cooked for myself instant noodles! lollol I'm super duper hungry can't express how hungry I was hahahah. Couldn't sleep. Maybe I'm finally growing nowadays I'm always hungry. : /

Anyhow, it's really delicious!! Been super long since I cooked instant noodles.

OK back to 24th June. HOW?!?? I'm like a really really bad friend. Because I'm in a dilemma. THAT DAY, is one day before my block test. And THAT DAY, is judo competition!! I want to watch it. It's like the first ever in my life.( ok abit exaggerating ) I really feel like going. And then, I just realize I still have lessons until 1plus. Which means even if I go, I will be suuuuuper late and the whole thing may have already ended. :o And then, THAT DAY, is my bestestfriend birthday.  Let's say I went to watch judo competition and I postponed her celebration because of block tests, then I'm really the worst friend ever. OK I WILL FIND A WAY. 

My June holidayyyyy~~~hmmmm feel like it ended in the blink of an eye. I really love holiday. I really really love holiday! The end of it means the start of school. And I don't want the start of school. *sulks*

School's not that bad if we are talking about June and Shien :D, and it's not that bad if we are talking about studying (YES STUDYING). But other than that, they are bad. Like what my friend once said, going to school is like going to jail. 

Who likes to go to jail? 

I want to go to USS, I want to go to judo, I want to go OUT TO PLAY. I rather plan birthdays than go back school. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against school in general. If you get what I mean ...

Anyhow, because most of my besties birthday fall in the month of June, me together with the rest have been planning and planning yo~~ I find joy in planning for birthday. Especially when the birthday girl had a good one! The satisfaction is beyond words.

And so, the first three weeks of June had been dedicated to birthdays. WHICH MEANS, I neglected my studies! Really neglected it. My pace was like a turtle's. After everything ended, I started paying attention to school work. And I found the way where I work best, I was OVER THE MOON. Hehehe because woah, in just a few days, I completed so much. I am still feeling worried I may flunk everything, but I gained more faith!(: 

My block test results, if things stay the way they are now, my prediction is that I will flunk econs. HIGH possibility. Most worried about econs now. And the languages! Haven't touched them. 

I'm left with three days and I'm going all out. 

I believe if you put your mind to what you are doing, you will achieve what you want!(:

This song suddenly came to my mind. Btw, I love this girl! :D

Will be back after block tests. 

AND, I will, with courage, post up my results. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!! 

Wish me luck! <3 

favourite song

My current favourite song! Love the beginning!! :D

night blogging

Hi, I'm blogging now to tell you that I can't fall asleep. And I'm hungry. Now's like going 3am. And I'm still wide awake. Why? Why why why?! My mind now, real busy. Thoughts coming in and out. OK. I'm overthinking again!! Yet again!

Backspaced whatever that I've typed. Seriously, how to express my thoughts. Am I the only one who have difficulty in expressing myself?

其实你没有那么爱他

你有权力情绪化， 你不一定要坚强

但有些事情不能伪装，别为自己设了框

我懂失去的悲伤，也懂进退的挣扎
但想起过去都是失望，又何必要放不下

是习惯，还是爱
不放心，还是不甘心，只有你自己知道解答

其实你没有那么爱他。

你失踪的爱

Don't want to emo. Don't like to emo. But I need a place to vent my emotions !!! Sigh....Ok I'm better now.

keep loving

Here 's how my day goes. Went out with the woman over there. Original plan was to catch a movie. But we have no enough money. So end up finding a place and just sit and talk. Had KOI, thumbs up for green tea macchiato! Oh ya. The dumb me forgot to bring out wallet. And so I got no keys to go home. And so I ended up below the void deck, no place to go. But thank God it's around the time my mum knocks off. Ok then rushed off to judo. I realise I still got some time to spare, so went to buy some stuffs at hub hahahaha. Had grading for judo and if nothing goes wrong, I' m going to upgrade to yellow belt!! :D After judo, went for dinner with weiyang and kweeswee before heading home! (: Every Tuesday before judo Im a nervous kid. After judo Im a happy kid. I'm nervous because I worry that I may not do well. And I can't meet the demands in the class. Ok actually I don't really know why. I will just naturally get nervous. Happy kid because it's too much fun! ^^ Ok have to sleep. Even though I doubt I can fall asleep. At times don't get too serious. Just have fun!