You are confusing me

Hellohello!((:

Had music lessons this morning, (I'm buying a new dress for my upcoming competition!) and then with AmeliaChoooo we went to swsyw :D

Met with JoyceHong, Jollibbeee and AmeliaChooo at mac at night for study date! ((:

I'm home now which is eleven thirty and eyes feel like closing.

I can't remember!! :( Bio ah bio, please get inside my head :(

Please let August be a super super ultra extra large productive month. Pleaseeee.

I'm lagging behind and I wasted the past two days argh.

Wish me luck.

How do I know what to do

Happy Birthday ChuaHowJin!(:

(The tallesttallest)

It was a Saturday and I had gone back to school. No not for school. Not for band. But I went to give HowJin his present. ((:

Hope he has a good one.

I'm there just when their performance ended so after giving him his prez we left for lunch. With AmeliaChoooo and SherylHoooo. (:

Oh and I just found out that Uni life is that they study for one semester and break for two to three months, in a year, they study for two semester total. So that means in year they study for 6months and break for 6months. Totally coooool!

Yesterday I had screwed up Dad's birthday ): I went to sleep early and woke up late today. :X

I'm keeping check of time. I hope.

Tomorrow's plan is lessons as usual and my last few practices with Swsy(must treasure).

"Not asking the sky to come down to my good will, Scattering it freely for ever." Walt Whitman

I'm thinking of what to do. I'm worrying what I should do. And I have no freaking idea.

It was an idle day,

Goodnight ;

88 a lucky number

Please make the event 88days later a lucky event too. (:

School these few days were fine(: I'm praised by Mrs Thomas for my english essay! First time!

I dreamt of you again, am I going to dream about you everyday? (:

Look inside you and be strong

He stop believing; She stop believing. And then, I too, stops believing.

How will you feel, when your family stops believing in you, like how they used to. I felt breathless. I sat infront of the computer with my family criticizing me, I can't breathe normally. Their words were harsh. But true.

I can't prove them wrong. How can I try to convince others when I can't even convince myself. HOW CAN I SAY OUT LOUD THAT I CAN DO IT! I CAN GET INTO A JC! I CAN FREAKING DO IT! When I have nothing to prove it. And when I just don't have enough discipline to leave the computer and start studying right there and then.

So I kept quiet.

It's a long road when you face the world alone. Whenever I think of their words, tears will threaten to fall. Even if I cry even if I lose hope in the end I will take the exam.

I had spent the whole afternoon today with mayflower band. And I made a few promises to myself. Nothing more matters until o level ends.

My biggest worry now are both my sciences. How can I turn the tables around from getting F9 to getting A1. At least getting distinction.

In 91 days.

I cast my fears aside, and I know I can survive.

Can you hear my heart

I had a sweet dream last night. But it's a sweet yet impossible dream.

It's a productive day, I can feel that I'm teeny bit nearer to my goal, but not enough. I'll push myself further tomorrow.

I stayed in school till 7pm today, 13 hours in school. Woah. Did maths and chemistry and english.

The revision with MrChen was very effective, I understand better now :D

Chem SPA in the morning screwed up.

MrChen recommended that we buy Chem study guide and I went to popular immediately and bought it!Heh. I chose the right book!

Teachers:

The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called "truth." ~Dan Rather

This is the thing I thought about a lot today. I'm really glad really glad I can get good teachers. Good teachers will be remembered by me for as long as possible. And I already have a few who 's under this category! Awesome teachers! It's super important to me. I'm now starting to think that I will try to improve my grades for the sake of my lovely teachers:D

As for "the rest", they are similar to passer-bys in my life.

Let's fight the battle together lovely teachers! (:

Jia you yilian! Go further tomorrow! My muscles still aching. Argh. So irritating.

Just now there's a period of time when I was so depressed I thought I could cry. But I have no reasons at all. I just couldn't get happy or even smile. Maybe it's because I'm alone and no one' s there to talk to so I'm bored and then I'm depressed or, I'm just tired.

I looked around me. Even though we have eyes, how many are really seeing. They are just looking but not seeing.

Looking but not seeing; Hearing but not listening; Existing but not living.

It's sad how we only cherish things when they are on the verge of disappearing.

fascinating

My father 's never been on a bus before I can't believe it!

Right after chinese listening (it went out quite well and I think I'm very lucky), my father and I took a taxi to a hospital for ear check up! Check up my ear! Because I used to be a sick baby and some issues here and there and recently my ears were slight hurting so my father brought me back there.

It was super cool and I'm super fascinated!

It's the first time I looked into my ear and it turns out there's a pathway(with some disgusting ear shit around), and at the end of the pathways my ear drum or something was there. It's bubble-like. Then the doctor checked my nose and ALSO the first time I see inside my nose!

Nothing's wrong !:D

After we came out I was still thinking about the image of my ear!

And so my father and I walked around orchard road finding our way home. The muscles in my whole body was aching and every movement was difficult. My upper body was aching from the yoga lesson yesterday and my lower body was aching from PE lesson this morning.

I STILL HAVEN'T PASS MY NAPFA! : (

I jumped again and again( standing board jump ), but STILL. And weak as I am, my leg muscle

start aching immediately.

Oh yea, I was wondering if my father had taken a bus before. And I didn't believe he didn't until he said so himself! Apparently he 's always drove around in his car or bike.

Because I've never been on MRT with him and I can't remember the last time we went on a bus together. So I was thinking hard. And he really didn'tttttt went on bus before!

He felt uncomfortable all the way back.

Fascinating.

CHINESE'S OVER! Chem SPA tomorrow.

It's not easy. In fact, it's hard for me. But I'll not give up and I think we can make it.

不坦白的主角。

陌生人。

Today I've been feeling mentally drained and irritated., even though it seems like a short day.

So just now I fell asleep on the sofa. And by the way I had a short dream. It's really nice to me but it's kind of weird. Because it's like I'm half dreaming half in reality. For instance in my dream I was talking about getting ready for my yoga lesson and then I'm awoke, the time at the clock was the same in the dream. Just that all the scene is much more beautiful in the dream.

O level chinese listening tomorrow

Chem SPA 3 on Wednesday

"Perseverance is a great element of success. If you knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

JIA YOU JIA YOU! 99 DAYS LEFT. JIA YOU! JIA YOU!

schindler's list

It's about Nazi Germany.

Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.

The whole day I had been listening to music. Different kind of music. Music that tug at my heartstring. Music that made my jaw drop. And I realised I have never drop a tear for music.

"The moment when I hear it, I start crying." It hadn't happened to me.

And I hope I can experience it one day. Because I will be very grateful to have the chance to experience that.

School today's short and sweet. But I'm feeling horrible now.

My ear 's hurting and my shoulder 's aching. And I have to make a trip down stairs for no special reason for someone. No thanks in return somemore. Thanks ah.

So, school today. Jiaxin didn't come to school. After school stayed back for 5 hours. In the meanwhile went to band and then to class for self study and being the last to leave. I struggled through every maths question and there's so many more questions I have to ask mr chng. Horrible feeling. Nothing interesting except for something which I don't want to mention :x

Yesterday, last day as a cca leader. The handover ceremony was urgh. I have no feelings at all. If irritated then yes. Before that was maths and I was called with some others for mini session with mr chng due to our "good" result. I was freaking out! Seriously it's my first time feeling like that.

I was sweating much and my hands were shaking just because mr chng was scary and everyone's pace was much faster than me. MrChng is very very extremely scary if he wants to.

I'm at the bottom for so many times.

My results are bad. I got the bottom for maths and my sciences.

Mr Chen: "You are not the last this time, jia you ah."

He had expected me to get that position again for my chemistry test.

Bad feeling. The expected behaviour for me should be to wake up now and do everything instead of something in order to improve my grades but I'm freaking not! I'm still using the com now thinking how much I don't understand for my subjects. Yiliannnnnnnnnnnnnn!

See you.

Hey hellooo. Now is quarter past midnight and I'm here because I just submitted my testimonial. Well, 3/4 of it is not that real. But then, when I'm typing them out, I actually felt inspired. I hope that I can become what I wrote.

The girl who is that motivated in her studies.

I just got to know a new website for listening songs and I listened to it for the whole night!(:

Okay bye! JIAYOU yilian in your studies!

Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves.

Lord Chesterfield

The moment we reached the peak, everything will be worth it.

If we are still on our way there, just think of how beautiful the view will be. And soon we will be there.

We can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown.

为人生而工作
为快乐而休息
为生命而呼吸
为理想而搏击
为智慧而学习
为活着而欢笑
为自己而生活
为世界而充满爱心。

Happy birthday my dear mum. Today 's your birthday.
I'm sorry and disappointed that I forgot about it till my dad msg me this afternoon.
Because I didn't prepare anything. I really hope I can make it really special and meaningful for you, as you have always care for me. The only thing I did was to wish you happy birthday. I'm glad my brother got you a gift though. Even if I try to convince myself that you are fine, it's obvious we didn't make today special for you. You don't want to go out to celebrate as you are not feeling well. But I hope you will be happy and not always worrying.
I wish you always happy. I wish you healthy. I wish you long live.
I love you mum.

Yilian

Yanni-Adagio in C Minor

Yanni (:

Ebony and Ivory

Ebony: Piano black key

Ivory: Piano white key

Hello there! I am going to catch this show AH DI every night you should too!

I 'm liking it ! Should I Should I?? It won't affect my studies. Right? Hmm. Nope.

I'm sooo going to watch it!:D

Baked for the whole afternoon with XiaoWei and Geena at Geena's house.

We baked awesome cupcakes. (:

Bye!

Hello there I got 30dollars popular voucher! (:
I'm going to make full use of it.

So, today is a half -school day and we have high achievers tea. Woah and it's the first time I received prize too.

Actually, the reason why I am blogging now is simple. I want to get it out. I mean my feelings and all. Because I guess I'm used to telling my family about these kind of stuffs. Now I'm home and found it empty, I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling uncomfortable not being able to talk to someone about basically everything. So I'm writing out to make myself feel better. (:

I'm having this suppressed feeling whenever I'm outside/not with my families. I feel like it's another me acting out the role of yilian. And so when I'm back home I will always feel relief and light-hearted. I don't like this kind of me. I hope that I will be able to treat everyone as my family members. Maybe at least my friends. So, I can feel at ease.

HAHA, enough of the description of my feelings. So, today I attented the high achiever as an awardee and I realised only at the last minute. Actually it's because I received the form but I forgot. It was extremely long and dry. We rehearsed for hours and then the actual thing.

The only thing that caught my attention was Faye's and someone else's duet. Faye's mic got in the way and there's no sound but they continued anyway. They are really brave and I can see that the guy is a nice guy(I don't know him), I can feel that Faye feels comfortable with him. When there's still no sound coming from the mic, she got restless and maybe scared and embarrassed. My heart really goes out to her. And whose fault, the damn media tech. Urgh.
But Faye and that guy did a nice job. (:

And I'm really appreciative for the applause I received when I got up the stage.
That's few of the moments that I'm really happy. (:

That's the end of high achievers. I got really restless as it near the end. Btw I received the best in principles of accounts for secondary three express 2010 award and got popular voucher! Poa is really my saviour(: Because of it I experienced my first academic opportunities! But then, not receiving the special award which comprises 250dollars really disappoint me. Just because I am not from financial assistance. :(

Oh and the speech from our guest of honour inspires me!:D
"Do not give up before you even begin.If you say you cannot do it, you will never be able to do it."
It really relates to me well. (:

You, makes me waver and well..confused. And I don't like it. I should be much more capable than that. Or so I thought.

I'm done. It's a bit lengthy. (:
Now I feel so much better! Feelings to me only gets in the way.

Bye!

15 November 2011 3pm

The last day for my major exam, O level. The start of my freedom. HO HO HO